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Feist - Cicadas & Gulls (Feat. Ed Droste)
Feist - Cicadas & Gulls (Feat. Ed Droste)

Last night I remembered your visit here. It feels like forever ago, and as in every movie, a better time. God, so much better. Why didn’t you stay? I was at the cinema the other evening, and I thought of what you said, of how the dark of the room filled you and lit up your soul. I thought it awfully morose at the time, but sitting there then, I knew what you meant. It straight lit me up. Or maybe I’m just morose now?
I applied to six jobs, got turned down by seven. Somebody I met at art class told me he could possibly set up a small gig for me at a local bar, a right-hand-man to the manager or something. I forgot all about it, it sounded so dull. Anyway, this morning, the guy told me the job was gone, I was too late. I’m always too late.
I think of you. So often.

It’s something of a joke, to find a song that “speaks” to you, your situation. From where I am, people rib you no end for the familiarity, especially if it’s sentimental. When “Don’t Let It Get To You” had all the music blogs buzzing, I felt I was going through a personal Dresden. You’re allowed to roll your eyes at that possible hyperbole, but it was anything but. You know what they say, break down to build up, or something. So when Rostam sang through my headphones, I wanted to reach out to my new bestie, “Hey! You get me!” and everything.
Instead, I listened to it over 25 times straight. It’s something of a joke, to find strength in a song.
I want you, even when it don’t make sense.

You know those moments when you’re with your friends, and there’s a lot of nostalgia flying back and forth? When your insides ache from all the laughter, and your closest friend’s bursting to tell that embarrassing thing you did? It’s near-death, all that joy. You’re running at them, your hands over their face, your legs knocking their knees, to keep them from speaking. To stop so much familiarity from overwhelming you.
When I think of it now, I know better. I wouldn’t run at you. I wouldn’t stop you from telling everyone that silly thing I did. I’d let you come at me. I’d let the warmth of the truth run over me.